Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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