I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize