There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize