I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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