I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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