he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize