Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize