i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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