If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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