break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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