you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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