forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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