so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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