i jhust puked up my retainher.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
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Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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