I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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