I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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