he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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