when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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