So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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