Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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