Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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