We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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