I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize