new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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