FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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