just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize