He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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