I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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