I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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