We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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