Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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