you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We don't watch enough power rangers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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