Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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