He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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