Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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