I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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