You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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