I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize