He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize