obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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