I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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