when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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