Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize