A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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