Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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