wakey wakey hands off snakey
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You smell like stripper and shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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