I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
where are my eyebrows?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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