Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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