the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize