I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize