i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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