we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My bed smells like the plague
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