There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize