I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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